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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  December 2, 2015 10:34pm-11:37pm CST

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>> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- adam driver. brett favre. comedian lenny clarke. fallonventions. and featuring the legendary
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>> questlove: 379. >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talkin' about. oh, i need it. thank you very, very much. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." this is it. [ cheers and applause ] you're here. thank you for being here. looking good. thank you so much for being here. a great show for you guys tonight. first, let's get to, talk about donald trump, because we do it every night. [ laughter ] get right into it.
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>> jimmy: did you see what he said? he said that he may skip the next republican debate on cnn unless the network pays him $5 million. [ laughter ] but cnn laughed it off, saying, we don't have $5 million. [ laughter and applause ] we don't have it. it's not possible. that's right, donald trump said that he might skip the next republican debate unless cnn pays him $5 million. cnn was like, fine, we'll just let jeb bush talk for two hours. oh, my god, where do we send the check? [ laughter ] hold on, somebody get the money. and then in an interview with charlie rose yesterday, hillary clinton admitted that she has wall street connections. but said that she can't be bribed with campaign donations. [ laughter ] then hillary was like, and especially they can't bribe me at hillary for america post office box 526 [ laughter ] new york, new york, don't even think of sending money there,
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[ applause ] and this is interesting here. i read that the federal government recently spent $375,000 to fund a study on the dating habits of senior citizens. [ light laughter ] when asked what they found out, researchers were like, way more than we wanted. [ laughter ] way more. just because they're old doesn't mean -- [ light laughter ] that's right, the government spent $375,000 to fund a study on the dating habits of senior citizens in the u.s. i wonder which government official wanted that study. >> i'm 60, i'm not married, i don't have any kids. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i guess we'll never know. [ applause ] >> steve: who could it be? >> jimmy: i guess we'll never know. >> steve: who could it be? >> jimmy: big sports news last night. are you happy, roots? >> all: yeah. >> jimmy: last night, the philadelphia 76ers beat the lakers to snap their record 28-game losing streak. [ cheers and applause ]
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it was all fun until 28 games worth of confetti dropped from the ceiling and buried everyone. [ laughter ] they're all fine. if you have kids, you might wanna listen to this. applebee's and ihop just announced they will remove soda from their kids menus. that's right. [ cheers and applause ] to which, kids said, okay, give me a regular menu. [ applause ] easy fix. i'll take two cheeseburgers. 20 stacks of pancakes and a a diet soda. [ laughter ] that's right, ihop plans to remove soda from their kids menus. ihop said it's part of their work to promote healthy diets. then they continued serving butter with an ice cream scooper. here ya go. [ laughter and applause ] get this. pringles is selling a line of scented candles. [ laughter ] for real, not kidding. pringles is selling a line of scented candles in the uk that
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flavors. they said they tried selling them in the u.s., but people ate them. [ laughter ] [ applause ] they smell delicious. i'm gonna eat that, man. >> steve: i'd eat it. >> jimmy: leave it on fire. i don't even care. that's even better. >> steve: i got a cheese one. >> jimmy: that's right, yeah. pringles is selling a line of scented candles that smell like different flavors, including cheese. [ audience ohs ] so if you're the type of guy who wants your apartment to smell like pringles and cheese, it probably already smells like pringles and cheese. [ applause ] i think you could make that happen. honey, light the candle. it's a romantic night. put on some barry white. let's get romantic. oh, yeah. [ laughter ] >> steve: i got some chicken mcnuggets. >> jimmy: once you pop. i got some lukewarm chicken mcnuggets. got 'em yesterday. [ laughter ] this isn't good, you guys. i heard that american airlines
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corgi to honolulu instead of jackson, mississippi. [ light laughter ] yeah, the owner frantically called the airport in hawaii, but the dog was like, just let it ring. [ applause ] finally, i saw that an animal called the delmarva fox squirrel was officially taken off the endangered species list. yeah, or as donald trump put it, finally, i can stop wearing this stupid baseball hat. you're free, boy. go, hey, hey! [ applause ] get off, go, boy, go, go, get off. we have a great show. give it up for the roots, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, everybody. thank you so much for watching. you guys, there's more ahead. tomorrow night, comin' to talk about her new book "why not me?"
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will be here. [ cheers and applause ] plus, she's the new face of the big "star wars movie," daisy ridley will be stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] and we have great, great music from our pal, gwen stefani will be here. [ cheers and applause ] oh, my goodness. who doesn't love gwen stefani? then on friday, we have sting. we have mylene farmer. [ applause ] eva longoria, and thank you notes. it's a good friday. you don't wanna miss that. but first, here we go. i'm talkin' about tonight's show, oh, yeah, that's what i'm talkin' about. tonight this -- yeah, he's from the hugely anticipated new movie "star wars: the force awakens." i don't even know what he -- what character he plays. >> steve: he's a bad guy. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: well, i know the name, but i've never heard of him, have i? rylo ken. is it -- what's his name? kylo ren. what is it? >> kylo ren. >> jimmy: kylo ren. well, what i was talkin' about when i see it in the phone book, it's ren kylo. >> steve: yeah, exactly. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: my man adam driver is on the show tonight.
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you know him from "girls." >> steve: you know him from that. >> jimmy: i know him from "girls." but now he's a big -- i don't know if he's the villain. i think he's the villain. >> steve: i think he is. >> jimmy: well, i have to ask him. i don't know. you guys, fresh off from having his number retired from by green bay packers, he's the subject of "favre returns" premiering tomorrow night on the nfl network, future hall of famer brett favre is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] he's unbelievable. he's just -- we're gonna play a a game with him later that i think is gonna be fun. [ light laughter ] yeah. plus, we have stand-up from comedian lenny clarke is in the house. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: yeah, lenny. >> jimmy: legendary. >> steve: legendary. >> jimmy: yelling, yelling. what are you doing? yelling at me backstage. already he's yelling. he's gonna yell at everybody. he's fantastic. one of my favorite comedians. we're featuring some amazing kid inventors. very, very smart kids in a a segment we call "fallonventions."
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[ cheers and applause ] they're really smart. really smart kids, and i can't stand two of 'em. [ laughter ] but they're on the show. either way, they're here. i can't send 'em home now. guys, the 2015 nascar season just ended. and this friday night, the annual nascar sprint cup series awards, which are given out for the top racers of the year. big awards. but, a lot of people don't know, before the ceremony, they also give out other awards sort of like the ones in high school year books like most likely to succeed, class clown. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: stuff like that. so, with that in mind, it's time for "tonight show superlatives." tonight show superlatives >> jimmy: our first driver is kasey kahne. he was voted most likely to be a wax figure of elijah wood.
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>> steve: was the wood. >> jimmy: interesting. next up is paul menard. he was voted most likely to call his junk m'nards. [ laughter and applause ] that's a great award. >> steve: m'nards. >> jimmy: congratulations. >> steve: he won it. >> jimmy: next up is dale earnhardt jr. [ cheers and applause ] he was voted most likely to be the employee at the home depot who says, i'll be right back and then disappears forever. [ laughter and applause ] he was just here, honey. he was just -- this allen wrench or this one? next up is jimmie johnson. he was voted most likely to call his johnson his jimmy and his jimmy his johnson. [ applause ] >> steve: so he doesn't have to call -- >> jimmy: they rarely give that one out. rarely. they rarely give that award out. >> steve: that's the first time i've seen it this century. >> jimmy: next we have ryan newman. he was voted most likely to giggle when he pees. [ laughter ]
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[ laughter ] ryan! >> steve: what? >> jimmy: finally, we have nascar sprint cup series champion kyle busch. that's our pal, yeah. [ applause ] he was voted human buzz lightyear. [ laughter ] there you go, everybody. thank you very much. those are our nascar superlatives. we'll be right back with more "tonight show." [ cheers and applause ] ideas are scary. they come into this world ugly and messy. ideas are frightening because they threaten what is known.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. thank you so much. oh, wow. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, thank you. if you love seeing new inventions and you love brilliant kids, then you're really gonna love this. that's right, it's time for another round of g.e.'s fallonventions. here we go. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: welcome to g.e.'s "fallonventions." jimmy fallon's night of inventions. >> jimmy: now, i love inventions and i'm okay with kids.
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we found some of the best and brightest kids out there. i think you're gonna be amazed with what we came up with. so let's meet our first inventors. roots, maybe a little quieter on this one, come on over, lucy and nina. come on over. [ applause ] hi, this is very cool. nice to meet you. what's your name? >> lucy. >> jimmy: hi, lucy. and you're -- >> nina. >> jimmy: hi, nina. who is this pal here? >> ginger. >> jimmy: hi, ginger. oh, good, good, good boy. [ audience aws ] hi, ginger. >> it's a girl. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you for coming. take care. have a good flight home. [ laughter ] what exactly is this invention? >> our invention is the pet-icure station. >> jimmy: okay. very interesting. the pet-icure station. ginger, we're not giving you a a pedicure yet. how did you come up with the idea for the pet-icure station?
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scratch, and it used to take two people to clip her nails and brush her teeth. so i wanted to change that. >> jimmy: is this your dog? >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: okay good, i wanted to make sure. what's your connection to the dog? >> um, i'm her friend. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is a great invention. but i wanted you to see -- get ginger out of here. i want to show you guys something i made. oh, hi, how are you? [ laughter ] we take ginger that way, of course. yeah, let me show you something i invented. this is very, very cool. say you're traveling for the holidays you guys, right? you love to travel? >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: sure, good. now, you have a long flight ahead of you. you're stuck in the middle seat. you're stuck in the middle seat. anyway, i'll be stuck in the middle seat. [ laughter ] so you're in the aisle. but then you have the window seat. so i'm jealous of you, right? yeah, but i bring this carry-on, this is where my idea is genius, here. i bring this right on, right?
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you. hi, ginger. [ laughter ] how did you get in here? get out of here, ginger. hey, ginger. [ laughter ] you turned your aisle seats into a window seat. yeah, so just goes like this right here, and then i'm having a great flight. i go, oh, my gosh. this is unbelievable. it's a free upgrade. gonna revolutionize travel. you have a good time. [ cheers and applause ] you have fun. everybody's great. everyone has a good time. [ cheers and applause ] "mind if i play my music real loud?" [ laughter ] all right, good. anyway, think about that. that's a real invention. thank you very much. good to see you again. take care. bye, guys. you can go over that way. [ cheers and applause ] let's meet our next inventor over here. daniil, get over here.
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[ cheers and applause ] daniil, nice to see you, buddy. how are you, pal? where are you from? >> i'm from new york. >> jimmy: from new york? >> yep. >> jimmy: very good. you're a local guy. i love it. daniil, what is your invention? what did you invent? >> my invention is the live-time closed-captioning system. >> jimmy: this is actually brilliant. yeah i love this, yeah. >> it takes live audio and interprets it through a microphone which i'll show you all in a moment. and then just runs it through voice recognition software, and sends it to this display, here. when this is all put together, it allows hearing impaired individuals to participate in naturally flowing conversations. >> jimmy: how did you come up with this idea? it's a fantastic idea. [ cheers and applause ] >> so, i know someone whose father is hearing impaired. and when this type of heads-up display became a bit more mainstream, it was sort of clear it was a next step in technology. he saw on the internet people
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people do on the internet -- >> jimmy: some other things, but -- [ laughter and applause ] one of the ideas is, yeah that, sure. [ light laughter ] >> that this could be one of the further steps. but when i looked into it, surprising, nobody else was developing it. i thought it had potential so i started working on it. >> jimmy: how fun is that. >> 17. >> jimmy: gosh, i wish i did this type of stuff when i was 17-years-old. how does it work? let's see how it works here. >> yeah. >> jimmy: put on these glasses. >> usually this would be on your lapel. and there's a portable set-up under there. but it's all hooked up for the sake of demonstration. >> jimmy: okay, perfect, yeah. i get it, so i've seen these type of things, okay. >> everything is plugged in. >> jimmy: okay -- hold on a a second. let's test it out now, okay. i'm going to look the other way. i'm going to look the other way. i can see this -- oh. >> jimmy: yeah. >> hello, jimmy. >> jimmy: hello.
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>> jimmy: yes. it worked. hey! [ cheers and applause ] this is going to be something. this is going to be something. hey, congratulations! [ cheers and applause ] that's incredible. that's good. that's going to be big, but this thing. my invention here is going to be huge as well. check this out. holiday season, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, you seem psyched about it. [ laughter ] >> very much so. >> jimmy: getting colder. doesn't mean you still can't enjoy some ice cream, right? especially with these right here. look at this thing right here. [ light laughter ] this is, pure butter right here. this is one of the best. look, put some ice cream on there, one scoop or two? one is fine. perfect. there you go, buddy. [ laughter ] there you go. yeah, so you're hanging out. you put this here. put the ice cream on the scoop right there. [ laughter ]
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watch this. put it in, best part of it is, look at this. you drop it, oops. you have a beautiful christmas tree right there. [ laughter ] with a little snow. a little snow around it. isn't that fantastic? >> fantastic. >> jimmy: the greatest. >> lets' try it. >> jimmy: yeah, if you drop it, you don't actually do that on purpose. [ light laughter ] i think, get out of here. your mother is calling for you. get out of here. [ cheers and applause ] here we go. let's meet our last inventor, isaiah, are you here, buddy? hi. [ cheers and applause ] isaiah, oh, my gosh. this looks amazing already. thank you so much for being here. how old are you and where are you from? >> i'm 10 years old and from brownsburg indiana. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. well thank you so much for being here. appreciate you being here. what do i do? what do i do? >> put the backpack on. >> jimmy: i put the backpack
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this is great. this is going to be fun. we're going to go to space, aren't we? [ laughter ] we're gonna fly. what is this invention called? >> the snow blower shoes. >> jimmy: snow blower shoes. this is interesting. how did you come up with the idea for the snow-blower shoe? >> i was trying to walk to my buddy logan's house. >> jimmy: what's his name? >> logan. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i had to walk through the snow. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. thanks everybody. you had to walk to logan's house through the snow. >> the snow got all in my shoes. so my feet got all stinky and wet. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] they got stinky and wet? >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what color was the snow when you were walking through it? >> white. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. can you show me, what is its name again? >> snow blower shoes. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. how does it work? what do i have to do? >> there's a battery powered leaf blower in my backpack.
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[ laughter ] >> and also yours. >> jimmy: you want to turn it on? let's see if this thing works. [ blower ] yeah, forgot about me. i can see it working. look at this. oh, this is fantastic. [ applause ] this is a great idea. [ cheers and applause ] you do this. four hours later, we're at logan's house having a good time, enjoying ourselves. so easy. don't turn it off yet. look at this. it's not that powerful yet, buddy. put this guy down here. this guy can't even tackle this dude. look, it doesn't fall down. it makes it beautiful, like a a snow globe. you can't do anything. it's indestructible. yeah. [ cheers and applause ] kick it over? turn the thing off. get this thing off. let's call all our inventors back here. thank you very much, buddy.
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[ cheers and applause ] [ leaf blower humming ] turn that thing off, will you? hey, i have one more -- [ leaf blower humming ] will you turn the thing off? [ laughter ] i have to say something here. give me this backpack. oh, it's strapped to your feet. get out of here. you guys, i have one more thing to show you. [ shouting over leaf blower ] g.e. wants young minds to dream big to make the impossible possible. [ laughter ] we're each giving you guys $5,000 to help further your education. [ cheers and applause ] how are you doing, buddy? my thanks to lucy, nina, daniil, isaiah, our friends at g.e. check out the ge fallonventions website, and see these inventions and more. stick around, we'll be right back with adam driver, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] snap on the main sails! [ barking ]
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is an emmy-nominated actor who you know from the award-winning hbo series "girls." soon you can see him as kylo ren in the new film "star wars: the force awakens," which opens in theaters and imax 3d friday, december 18th. everyone, please welcome adam driver. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. thank you so much for being here. it's a pleasure meeting you here. >> same. >> jimmy: oh, please, i wanna talk to you all about this, because this is -- this is giant. i know you from "girls" and you do a great job in "girls." >> oh, thanks. >> jimmy: and now this is gonna be the biggest movie ever. "star wars: the force awakens."
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>> jimmy: yeah, when did it hit you that was really happening? >> a couple months into it. like we were -- a couple months of negotiating that and "girls" shooting at the same time. so, it all was very technical until i walked into where the costumes were and they had everything around where everyone's characters were drawn up and mine and carrie and harrison, everybody's and that's when i'm, oh, it's star wars. >> jimmy: i would freak out. i mean, meeting chewbacca. i would like, i'd just start up a conversation, what's going on, man? how's it goin'? >> yeah, it gets very emotional. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: it does? oh, it does? >> yeah, no seriously. everyone got really emotional around chewbacca. >> jimmy: like, what do you mean? why? >> like, everyone wanted to hug chewbacca. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. like we gotta go. >> jimmy: that would slow down filming. >> i can't. i can't let go. >> jimmy: yeah, it's a giant -- giant wookie. yeah, you have to hug it. yeah, of course. well tell people that don't know about you, you're from indiana? >> indiana, yeah.
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this is a great -- yeah, two people here. [ laughter ] we only allow two people each night. >> the second inventor he was from indiana. >> jimmy: yeah, but he's not in the audience. we had him flown home immediately. [ laughter ] this is a funny story. because, you're in indiana. you're at high school and you want to be an actor. you're acting in high school, and you get the hollywood bug. you go, that's it, i'm gonna be a movie star. bye, small town. bye, everybody. >> well, i always heard stories of like people moving to l.a. with $7 and finding work and jobs. so i'll do that. and then my car broke down outside amarillo, texas. [ laughter ] and i had everything in it, like a big mini fridge and all my bags and i spent all my money fixing my car. and then i finally made it to santa monica. didn't even make it to l.a., and just wandered the beach basically for 48 hours and i didn't have any more money so i went back home. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but did you say good-bye to everybody at home? your friends and everybody? >> made a big production of saying good-bye to everybody.
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figure out how to make it work. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you basically broke up with your girlfriend. >> yeah, yeah. all my friends were like, man, i'll see you again. >> jimmy: oh, my -- >> our love never dies. >> jimmy: yeah. >> then i was there a week [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a week later, hey, guys. hope i didn't change too much. i'm back. >> you may not recognize me. >> jimmy: i'm a big movie star now. like five days later. gosh, i love that. so, then you come home. then, what's next? what's the plan? what did you do end up doing? >> well, i went up, joined the military, because i had no other -- i mean, i had other, i guess, options. i was selling vacuum cleaners. and telemarketing. >> jimmy: yeah. what branch? >> the marine corps. >> jimmy: is that right? [ cheers and applause ] you were in the marine corps. and then how did you get from there to juliard? >> i was interested in it before -- before i joined. >> jimmy: absolutely, yeah. >> and then, yeah i guess when i got out, i had all this kind of, i guess, maybe false confidence. like, civilian problems are small. you know, now 'cause i have lived in the military.
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>> which is an illusion. then i moved to new york, and i'm like, i'll go to juliard. if i don't get in, i'll live in central park 'cause i know how to survive. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: your plans are fantastic. you really got it all planned out. >> they're very spur of the moment. >> jimmy: i guess so. >> then i happened to get into school. i was very lucky. so, i got in. and i moved here. >> jimmy: then you got into juliard. well, the first time i saw you was "girls." you probably had other things before that. but that was the big thing i saw you in. i go, this guy is fantastic. and then -- now you're in "star wars." >> yeah, i am. >> jimmy: and this is -- kylo ren is the name of the character, right? >> right. or ren kylo. >> jimmy: ren kylo. [ light laughter ] again, i just see you in the phone book. so, if i call you, it goes in alphabetical order, yeah. so, kylo ren. we do know if you're -- we do know you're on the dark side or we can't say? we don't know. >> no, yeah, that's the dark side. >> jimmy: yeah, that's pretty dark. [ laughter ] that's you there. >> yeah, that's dark. >> jimmy: that's your back. is that you? >> yeah, yeah.
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>> that's me. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] okay. here's another picture of you here. now, is that you? >> yeah. that's me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. that's you. yeah, yeah. another picture of you here. here you go, this is you? >> me going to the store. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's a good scene when you walk in the store. that's you there. >> yeah. that's my car. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and that's your car. oh, this is in texas. congratulations. this is you moving out to hollywood. yeah, exactly. this is not pictures from "star wars" at all. yeah. we can't really say much. i don't really wanna know much. >> yeah, that's it. >> jimmy: that's all you can really say because i'm excited about the movie. i'm excited about you. congratulations to you. >> oh, thanks. >> jimmy: and i hope all your friends and your ex-girlfriend and everyone is excited you made it big, buddy. congratulations. you're hitting homers, buddy. [ cheers and applause ] adam driver, everybody. "star wars: the force awakens" is in theaters and imax 3d friday, december 18th.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a a former three-time nfl mvp, and on thanksgiving, he had his number 4 jersey retired by the green bay packers. he's the subject of "favre returns" the first episode of the new nfl network series "the timeline" which premieres tomorrow night, december 3rd, following thursday night football. please welcome brett favre, everybody. [ cheers and applause ]
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[ cheers and applause ] this is the retired jersey. >> the last one. >> jimmy: it's the last one. >> last one. >> jimmy: thank you so much. >> i stole it. >> jimmy: thank you for being on the show. what a big night for you. that's exciting. >> it was. >> jimmy: on thanksgiving. >> it was awesome. it was a perfect weather. >> jimmy: a monsoon, almost. [ light laughter ] >> it was a monsoon, had bart starr come back. of course, the timeline is getting ready to come out. >> jimmy: this is a big deal. so this documentary is going to air tomorrow night, it's called "favre returns" and it's on nfl network. "the timeline" is a new episode -- this new series. it's you going back to lambeau field, which is like, this is where you spent 16 years. >> correct. >> jimmy: of your career, sweating, bleeding, breaking bones for this -- >> winning, losing, working. >> jimmy: everything. your whole life. this is unbelievable. then at the end of your career, things kind of didn't end perfectly.
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you ended up playing for the rival team which happens sometimes. but you went back to your home and you weren't well received. >> which is probably an understatement. >> jimmy: okay, yeah, yeah. [ light laughter ] now here you are. now it's what, five years later? >> almost five years, yeah. >> jimmy: almost five years and they're retiring your jersey. this is the most emotional thing. you go back to lambeau field. >> you know -- >> jimmy: were you nervous? >> i was very nervous. and it was two occasions. july, went up to really the first time i had been back. and the hall of fame ceremony, and then come back, which was last week for retirement of the jersey. i was a lot more nervous in july being the first time back. i assumed that i would be well received, but you just don't know. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> and 70,000 showed up to hear me talk and be inducted into the hall of fame. >> jimmy: yes. >> i was extremely honored by
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and of course, at the game the other night, there were 80,000 because there is going to be 80,000 at the game because they sell out every game. broken. feel. it felt like home again, because as i jokingly said at the hall of fame ceremony when i was speaking to the crowd, the last time i was at this stadium, i came walking out of the visitor tunnel, and it was a lot different. they were giving me a lot of number one signs, but it was not -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. i want to show a clip. we have a clip of "favre returns." take a look at this. >> i'm so much better going out there in a football uniform. good thing i'm not wearing white pants. [ cheers and applause ] >> ladies and gentlemen, quarterback from southern
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on right there. [ cheers and applause ] there's no game that day. just there for you. >> you know, driving through the stadium that day, it was like who are they playing today? >> jimmy: yeah. >> they were tailgating. it was awesome. >> jimmy: there's no game. they're just there for you. >> no place like green bay. there really isn't. >> jimmy: oh my god, no. except for new york. [ light laughter ] but besides that, there's no place like green bay. >> there's 100,000 people, but yes. >> jimmy: please. look, we love to play games on "the tonight show." i have the perfect game for you. okay, you have obviously one of the strongest arms in nfl history. so tonight, we're doing a game called the tonight show throwdown. here we go. [ cheers and applause ] we have this for you here. we have this. you look very cool wearing these. maybe put this on first. >> all right, all right, all right. >> jimmy: we have packers for you. and for me, we have -- we got the jets. [ cheers and applause ] so here's the deal. here's how it's going to work. we're going to go over there. i'm going to throw some plates in the air. >> okay. >> jimmy: and then we're going
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you're going to see how many plates you can smash, okay? now here's the deal. we did this once before with drew brees. and he holds the record. >> really? a much more accurate passer than me, by the way. [ light laughter ] i throw it harder. >> jimmy: yeah, okay. oh, you do? maybe i should get some -- maybe you should -- can we get an intern to throw the plates? [ laughter ] are the kid inventors still here? [ laughter ] they want to -- all right, brett, are you ready for this? >> no. [ laughter ] i haven't thrown in five years. >> jimmy: this is exciting. okay, here we go. now, i'm going to toss the plate. do you want to practice one or no? >> yeah, give it a practice. >> jimmy: don't look at it yet. [ light laughter ] let me throw it first. ready? all right, good. >> it broke. >> jimmy: that was the practice. it broke because it fell on the ground, yeah. [ light laughter ] i'll throw it higher in the air. ready? >> higher, please. >> jimmy: ready for this? >> yeah. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: i'm not used to throwing. >> that was a bad throw.
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of the way -- >> bad toss. bad plate. >> jimmy: come on. calm down, brett. gosh. >> you wanted to get hit. >> jimmy: i don't know how to throw this in the air. i'm afraid. [ light laughter ] ready? oh. [ cheers and applause ] that's one. that's one. we got one. we got one. we got one. we're going to do one more. you have one more football? here we go. one more. last one here. ready? [ cheers and applause ] that's what i'm talking about. thank you, buddy. one of the greatest football players in the history of the game. [ cheers and applause ] future nfl hall of famer, brett favre. [ cheers and applause ] we got stand-up from
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're joined right now by a very funny comedian, on december 9th, you can see him performing at giggles comedy club in saugus, massachusetts. give it up for the one and only lenny clarke. [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, thank you. thank you very much. well, the holidays are here. i'm officially a wreck. [ light laughter ] yeah. i'm not worried about travel or something like that. i'm worried about food. i used to be a really big fat guy. i went on a diet and lost 180 pounds. [ cheers and applause ] oh, that's so nice. but if you all don't clap, it doesn't mean the thing. [ cheers and applause ] i can look back and see myself laying on the couch, watching football on tv, eating cracked crab on my belly like an otter.
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and all i had on was boxer shorts. [ light laughter ] and that was just using them for a napkin. [ light laughter ] i know, i'm sorry, ladies. i know that's a visual you could have for a lifetime, but i'll be putting it out there. [ light laughter ] but my psychiatrist said i should be more open and honest. [ light laughter ] court ordered. [ laughter ] my wife comes walking in, honey, do i look fat? i went, not to me. [ laughter ] get out of the way of the tv. i got money on this game. [ light laughter ] she said, "well, do you still find me attractive?" i said, "if i could stand under my own power, i would have sex with you right now." [ light laughter ] where's my reaching stick? oh, i was bad. sometimes during making love, i would fake an orgasm just so i could finish my sandwich. [ light laughter ] i got really big. i topped out at 388 pounds. yeah. i can remember her looking me
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know, you should really start having sex with other people." [ light laughter ] i worry about everything. you know what i worry about right now? this global warming. every time i turn around. global warming. i feel like it's my fault. president obama said global warming is the biggest threat we have in our immediate future. mr. president, have you seen the tv lately? [ light laughter ] i mean, we got lots of problems. last year in boston, we had the worst winter in the history of winters. we had snow up to the third-floor windows. pets, kids, small things were disappearing. [ light laughter ] yeah, we weren't shoveling sidewalks. we were shoveling roofs. and people started calling from around the country, is it still snowing in boston? oh, yeah, i only made it to the phone because we're shoveling in shifts. [ light laughter ] i tell you what, i couldn't believe it. you know, we had so much problems. everyone was saying the same thing. well, you know it's not the snow, it's just we have no place to put it. yeah, we do. throw it in the ocean.
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that's what we did when i was a a kid. we would back up trucks, dump it in the ocean, it disappears. plenty of parking for everyone. [ light laughter ] now, you got these environmental wackos like the dirty people who work at the all-natural food co-ops. [ light laughter ] eat clean food, eat clean food. you ever been in there? i walked in there, it was disgusting. [ light laughter ] these people had matted hair, stains on their shirt, dirty fingernails and they're trying to sell me a pint of blueberries for $80. [ light laughter ] $80, what do you get in it? the body of christ? [ light laughter ] they're all saying the same thing. you can't throw the snow in the ocean. i said why not? because all the salt and the sand. what the hell do you think is in the ocean? [ laughter ] [ applause ] well, you have to let it melt, organically go in the soil. where do the sewers go sick gippy? in the ocean. [ laughter ] it got so bad last year in boston, we had to close the subway. not the sandwich shop, the
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[ light laughter ] i mean, i've been on your subways and i'll give you, you got some interesting characters, but in boston, we have got an entire different species of animal. [ light laughter ] i get on the train, the doors closed. i looked around and i went, oh, my god. i'm the best looking person on this train. [ laughter ] here's a dollar. don't touch me. [ laughter ] you people are so nice. i'm looking at a couple of you. you're looking at me like dogs watching tv. [ light laughter ] you are having fun, but you're not sure why. [ laughter ] let me tell you, i would have been a genius if it wasn't for all the lead paint i had as a a baby. [ light laughter ] my mother would put me by the windowsill and say, chew, boy, chew. [ light laughter ] watch the squirrels. i don't want you to get the wrong idea. i'm a good friend of jimmy's. i don't want to let him down. i don't want you to -- just because i did a couple animal jokes, i don't want you to think i'm one of those people who has sex with animals. [ laughter ] because i have never had sex with an animal. [ light laughter ] but if i did, i would have sex with a horse. [ laughter ] that way, when you're done, you
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[ applause ] thanks so much. you're the best. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: lenny clarke. [ cheers and applause ] catch him at giggles comedy club december 9th. we'll be right back, everyone.
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[ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our thanks to adam driver, brett favre, g.e., all of our young inventors, lenny clarke, once again, ladies and gentlemen! [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there from philadelphia. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. good night, everybody!
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